How to Enjoy Being Single, blog post by Ashley Amor

The irony in being single is once you announce it, people react like it’s a disease:

 

“I’m single.”

“What? Really? How?!”

(point noted)

 

More often than not, people confuse being alone, with being lonely. Alone and lonely aren’t synonyms. Truth be told, there are plenty of people who enjoy their solitude, and unfortunately, also many out there who feel alone, no matter if they’re dating or surrounded by friends.

 

So the question is, “Which one are you?”

 

Are you embracing your season of singleness, or are you wallowing around feeling sorry for yourself? Let’s be transparent: many of us have thrown ourselves a pity party for being single (myself included). I completely understand. You attended three your friend’s weddings, your cousin recently got engaged, every post you scroll past on Instagram is of a couple with hashtag relationship goals, and your family is still asking you at every reunion or holiday get-together, “You met someone yet?”

 

The answer is still the same:

And honestly, what’s the rush?

 

Why are we wasting time comparing ourselves to everyone else’s life, instead of enjoying our own? That is the harsh reality I had to face, and afterward, I finally felt free. After seven years of being single, I love it. Why? Because I’ve discovered there are so many things we’re able to accomplish and learn while we’re solo, as opposed to being in a relationship:

 

  1. Personal Growth

Knowing who you are is one thing, learning how you are is another. When you’re single, you’re not focused on pleasing someone else or first impressions. You have time in your adult life to discover you: if you’re an introvert or extrovert, a morning person or night owl, overly sarcastic and witty (definitely referring to myself now haha), goal-oriented or laid back, as well as character traits you’d like (or need) to improve, such as respectfulness, productivity, and social skills.

 

  1. Traveling

Yes, it’s possible to travel the world as a couple, but going on your own is definitely an unforgettable experience (and not to mention, much cheaper). Being exposed to different cultures, societal norms, climates, and languages is truly humbling. It also builds your confidence. When you’re alone in a foreign land, you’re forced to step outside of your comfort zone, make new friends, learn new things, think outside the box, and tap into survival skills.

 

  1. Developing Your Career and Financial Stability

Time is of the essence; spend it wisely. Statistics have shown a correlation between financial problems and unsuccessful marriages. People who are in relationships are forced to divide their time and attention between work and their significant other. When you’re single, you don’t have to. You can work on paying off debt, improving your credit score, investing in your skills, and climbing the financial ladder BEFORE sharing a life with someone else.

 

  1. Building True Friendships

Everyone you meet is not going to be your spouse, but they can play a significant role in your life. Keep this mindset. It is very possible to meet someone of the opposite sex and join forces, not as a marriage, but as partners in business, professions, ministries, and so on. When you’re single, you can consciously build an authentic friendship with someone and identify their purpose in your life, whether it be for a season or for a lifetime.

 

  1. Strengthening Your Relationship with God

The most important thing you can do right now in your season of singleness is work on your intimacy with God. As a Christian, I knew that this was the most important relationship of my life. I couldn’t expect anyone to desire spending time with me, learning who I am, or to effectively love me, if I wouldn’t do the same with the God I believe is the Creator of all things. Being single gave me time to focus on God’s will for my life, edifying my gifts and talents, and discovering who I am through Christ. When you’re single, there is no one distracting you from reading the Bible, increasing your prayer time, and emotional healing.

 

Last, but not least, remember that things aren’t always as they seem. We’re all too familiar with celebrity couples, and even family and friends, who were married or in relationships that looked perfect on the outside, but behind closed doors dealt with infidelity, abuse, and other issues. Don’t believe the hype. What is meant for you will come in due time. Until then, enjoy life, love yourself, follow your dreams, and move to a beautiful Caribbean island (like I did, haha).

ashley swimming in lake in puerto rico

Remember when you were a kid, that time you asked your parents, “Can I drive?”

Their answer was the obvious, “No.” (Or a loud, obnoxious laughter in place of an answer, if you had a dad like mine.)

Although hurtful, receiving a “no” was actually a good thing. Our parents, as harsh as as their answer felt, knew what was best for us. Putting car keys in the hands of a child would’ve been more than a threat to our lives. Eventually, they allowed you to drive, once you were of age and trusted behind the wheel. So, technically, their answer wasn’t a “no.” It was a “not now.”

I believe life happens that exact same way.

A new job, a promotion, college acceptance, a loan, new opportunities. Sometimes, we’re so eager to hear a “yes,” that receiving a “no” feels worse than a stab wound. It can crush the spirit, making people doubt themselves and lose hope.

Was I good enough?

Will I ever succeed? 

When will my time come?

We can come up with 50 reasons why we should mope around and be upset, yet never consider that it probably wasn’t the right time. Think back to your childhood. How many things did you want before you were tall enough, strong enough, mature enough, and wise enough to have or handle?

Throughout my adulthood, I’ve realized on more than one occasion, hindsight, that I wasn’t ready for things I wanted. There were jobs that I applied for, that never called me back. There were people I tried to maintain in my life, who fell off the radar. There were creative ideas I shared with various people, who never took them into consideration. But looking back, the time wasn’t right.

If things had went my way back then:

  • I never would have applied for other jobs that hired me and offered more 
  • I never would have met and befriended the new, amazing people in my life today who encouraged and supported me
  • I never would have mustered up the courage to launch my dream career as a writer

When things don’t go our way, consider that maybe it was for our benefit. If the time was right, your mindset was not. If your was mindset was right, the time was not. However you look at it, dwelling on the shoulda, coulda, woulda doesn’t change anything. Don’t allow a “no” to be your setback.

Trust that what is meant for you will come in due time. And when it does, you’ll be ready.