The irony in being single is once you announce it, people react like it’s a disease:
“What? Really? How?!”
More often than not, people confuse being alone, with being lonely. Alone and lonely aren’t synonyms. Truth be told, there are plenty of people who enjoy their solitude, and unfortunately, also many out there who feel alone, no matter if they’re dating or surrounded by friends.
So the question is, “Which one are you?”
Are you embracing your season of singleness, or are you wallowing around feeling sorry for yourself? Let’s be transparent: many of us have thrown ourselves a pity party for being single (myself included). I completely understand. You attended three your friend’s weddings, your cousin recently got engaged, every post you scroll past on Instagram is of a couple with hashtag relationship goals, and your family is still asking you at every reunion or holiday get-together, “You met someone yet?”
The answer is still the same:
And honestly, what’s the rush?
Why are we wasting time comparing ourselves to everyone else’s life, instead of enjoying our own? That is the harsh reality I had to face, and afterward, I finally felt free. After seven years of being single, I love it. Why? Because I’ve discovered there are so many things we’re able to accomplish and learn while we’re solo, as opposed to being in a relationship:
- Personal Growth
Knowing who you are is one thing, learning how you are is another. When you’re single, you’re not focused on pleasing someone else or first impressions. You have time in your adult life to discover you: if you’re an introvert or extrovert, a morning person or night owl, overly sarcastic and witty (definitely referring to myself now haha), goal-oriented or laid back, as well as character traits you’d like (or need) to improve, such as respectfulness, productivity, and social skills.
Yes, it’s possible to travel the world as a couple, but going on your own is definitely an unforgettable experience (and not to mention, much cheaper). Being exposed to different cultures, societal norms, climates, and languages is truly humbling. It also builds your confidence. When you’re alone in a foreign land, you’re forced to step outside of your comfort zone, make new friends, learn new things, think outside the box, and tap into survival skills.
- Developing Your Career and Financial Stability
Time is of the essence; spend it wisely. Statistics have shown a correlation between financial problems and unsuccessful marriages. People who are in relationships are forced to divide their time and attention between work and their significant other. When you’re single, you don’t have to. You can work on paying off debt, improving your credit score, investing in your skills, and climbing the financial ladder BEFORE sharing a life with someone else.
- Building True Friendships
Everyone you meet is not going to be your spouse, but they can play a significant role in your life. Keep this mindset. It is very possible to meet someone of the opposite sex and join forces, not as a marriage, but as partners in business, professions, ministries, and so on. When you’re single, you can consciously build an authentic friendship with someone and identify their purpose in your life, whether it be for a season or for a lifetime.
- Strengthening Your Relationship with God
The most important thing you can do right now in your season of singleness is work on your intimacy with God. As a Christian, I knew that this was the most important relationship of my life. I couldn’t expect anyone to desire spending time with me, learning who I am, or to effectively love me, if I wouldn’t do the same with the God I believe is the Creator of all things. Being single gave me time to focus on God’s will for my life, edifying my gifts and talents, and discovering who I am through Christ. When you’re single, there is no one distracting you from reading the Bible, increasing your prayer time, and emotional healing.
Last, but not least, remember that things aren’t always as they seem. We’re all too familiar with celebrity couples, and even family and friends, who were married or in relationships that looked perfect on the outside, but behind closed doors dealt with infidelity, abuse, and other issues. Don’t believe the hype. What is meant for you will come in due time. Until then, enjoy life, love yourself, follow your dreams, and move to a beautiful Caribbean island (like I did, haha).